I haven’t posted about this on the blog yet, but we recently found out that our landlord filed bankruptcy, which terminates our lease and in essence forces us out. So, even though we have lived in 4 houses/3 states in the last 14 months and our family has been through so much upheaval, we will be moving yet again. As BJ and I discussed our plans last night, I was just so mad. At one point, BJ stopped me and asked me who it was that I was so mad at. And the answer is: I don’t know. I’m just mad. The feeling lingered with me today. Mad that we have to move again. Mad that housing is so expensive. Mad that a business shipment I had been waiting for had been shipped to our old Arizona address (despite the fact that I updated my address at check-out), mad that an hour after I bought a swim-top at the Modbe going-out-of business sale, they discounted the price an additional 66%, mad that I am behind on laundry. The anger and frustration just added onto itself until things that were really not a bid deal became a big deal and I was feeling blinded by the anger.
Then…it was time for family night. We had been asked by our Bishop to participate in a toy drive. So, tonight we met up with other families from our area to deliver unwrapped presents, which will be given to children in need this Christmas. Before going, I rummaged through the “gift boxes” stashed away in the back of the Bub’s closet and came up with several nice gifts from which the kids could choose. They each carefully selected the gift they wanted to give. It was so fun to watch them carry the gifts they had chosen and add them to the pile of presents previously delivered. Then, on the drive home, they started speculating about the child who would receive the gift they had given. Imagining how old she might be. What she might look like. How happy she would be. Because it was right on our way home, we stopped in at the library. As we were walking in, it started to gently snow and we paused to watch the ice skaters glide around the rink. It was a pretty magical night. BJ will definitely have to take Mae Mae there on a date sometime soon so she can try out her new ice skates! So, despite my recent moodiness, I am feeling the Christmas spirit tonight. I am thankful for the tender mercy of this scheduled gift drop-off that changed my mindset and helped me to look outside my own life. I am thinking more deeply and meaningfully about the message President Uctdorf gave at the First Presidency Christmas devotional last night. He spoke about how when Christ was here upon the earth, many people could not see Him. They could not see that He was the promised Messiah. Why could they not see Him? Pride. Indifference. Self-Importance. There were countless reasons. Similarly, there are many around us who disregard the Savior. Sometimes we even get too focused on the details of our lives that we forget Him. Of such, President Uctdorf said, “[T]heir hearts are so focused on the world that they cannot see the Christ.” Then, he paused and looked right at the camera. It felt as if he were looking right into my soul. After a long pause, he said, “Can you see the Christ?”
Tonight, I feel humbled. I will admit that my emotions have been on a roller-coaster lately. On one extreme, I feel peace and a surety that the Lord has a plan amidst all the craziness. That he knows our family. That as we have faith in Him and seek His will, He guides us. I know that to be true. So, why then does the anger still creep in? I am just so tired. So tired of watching my children struggle to fit in at a new school and make new friends, just to be forced to leave it all behind. Over and over again. So, it is a struggle for me right now to control my emotions, to have enough faith to overpower the anger. I can’t handle it on my own anymore. I can’t allow frustration to take over my life. I need to turn my burden over the the Lord. He can comfort my children. He can give me the strength to handle setbacks with dignity and patience.
In the Spirit of Christmas…I am sharing some favorites from a recent family Christmas portrait session! 
All pictures taken at about 2:00 in the afternoon. Not ideal lighting by any photographer’s standard. But, that was the time we had and we made it work. I think they turned out beautifully!
