I haven’t posted about this on the blog yet, but we recently found out that our landlord filed bankruptcy, which terminates our lease and in essence forces us out.  So, even though we have lived in 4 houses/3 states in the last 14 months and our family has been through so much upheaval, we will be moving yet again.  As BJ and I discussed our plans last night, I was just so mad.  At one point, BJ stopped me and asked me who it was that I was so mad at.  And the answer is:  I don’t know.  I’m just mad.  The feeling lingered with me today.  Mad that we have to move again.  Mad that housing is so expensive.  Mad that a business shipment I had been waiting for had been shipped to our old Arizona address (despite the fact that I updated my address at check-out), mad that an hour after I bought a swim-top at the Modbe going-out-of business sale, they discounted the price an additional 66%, mad that I am behind on laundry.  The anger and frustration just added onto itself until things that were really not a bid deal became a big deal and I was feeling blinded by the anger.

Then…it was time for family night.  We had been asked by our Bishop to participate in a toy drive.  So, tonight we met up with other families from our area to deliver unwrapped presents, which will be given to children in need this Christmas.  Before going, I rummaged through the “gift boxes” stashed away in the back of the Bub’s closet and came up with several nice gifts from which the kids could choose.  They each carefully selected the gift they wanted to give.  It was so fun to watch them carry the gifts they had chosen and add them to the pile of presents previously delivered.  Then, on the drive home, they started speculating about the child who would receive the gift they had given.  Imagining how old she might be.  What she might look like.  How happy she would be.  Because it was right on our way home, we stopped in at the library.  As we were walking in, it started to gently snow and we paused to watch the ice skaters glide around the rink.  It was a pretty magical night.  BJ will definitely have to take Mae Mae there on a date sometime soon so she can try out her new ice skates! So, despite my recent moodiness, I am feeling the Christmas spirit tonight.  I am thankful for the tender mercy of this scheduled gift drop-off that changed my mindset and helped me to look outside my own life.  I am thinking more deeply and meaningfully about the message President Uctdorf gave at the First Presidency Christmas devotional last night.  He spoke about how when Christ was here upon the earth, many people could not see Him.  They could not see that He was the promised Messiah.  Why could they not see Him?  Pride.  Indifference.  Self-Importance.  There were countless reasons.  Similarly, there are many around us who disregard the Savior.  Sometimes we even get too focused on the details of our lives that we forget Him.  Of such, President Uctdorf said,  “[T]heir hearts are so focused on the world that they cannot see the Christ.”  Then, he paused and looked right at the camera.  It felt as if he were looking right into my soul.  After a long pause, he said, “Can you see the Christ?”

Tonight, I feel humbled.  I will admit that my emotions have been on a roller-coaster lately.  On one extreme, I feel peace and a surety that the Lord has a plan amidst all the craziness.  That he knows our family.  That as we have faith in Him and seek His will, He guides us.  I know that to be true.  So, why then does the anger still creep in?  I am just so tired.  So tired of watching my children struggle to fit in at a new school and make new friends, just to be forced to leave it all behind.  Over and over again.  So, it is a struggle for me right now to control my emotions, to have enough faith to overpower the anger. I can’t handle it on my own anymore.   I can’t allow frustration to take over my life.  I need to turn my burden over the the Lord.  He can comfort my children.  He can give me the strength to handle setbacks with dignity and patience.

In the Spirit of Christmas…I am sharing some favorites from a recent family Christmas portrait session!    All pictures taken at about 2:00 in the afternoon.  Not ideal lighting by any photographer’s standard.  But, that was the time we had and we made it work.  I think they turned out beautifully!

Well, first.  Happy Belated Thanksgiving.  We had such a nice dinner at Tressa’s house.  Then, over to visit BJ’s family for pie that evening.  I love good food, so naturally Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  Plus, it is the official start of the Christmas season.  We have had our Christmas decorations up and have been listening to Christmas music for two weeks.  But, now we can open the shutters and turn up the Christmas music without the neighbors thinking we are crazy   When BJ took the girls to the library last week, they checked out several books about the pilgrims.  I read them the stories about the long journey across the ocean.  About the pilgrims struggles as they worked to settle an untamed wilderness.  Through sickness and hunger and cold, they perservered.  Then, more than a year after their arrival in America, they were able to successfully gather in a harvest.  With gratitude and recognition of their dependence on the Lord, they planned a celebration to offer thanks.  What a wonderful tradition Thanksgiving has become!  I AM SO THANKFUL!

Well, another tradition in our family is Black Friday shopping.  This year, we took it to a whole new level.   One of the malls here opened at 9:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving night!  So, Letia, Jennifer, Tressa, Becca and I shopped from 9:00 pm-1:30 am.  Then, we came home for a short nap before heading out again at 3:45 this morning!  We are dedicated shoppers! (or maybe a little crazy).   I always hear people say that they would never want to fight the crowds and would not even consider going out the day after Thanksgiving.  Then, there are those who dread it, but go out just to get the deal that is too good to pass up.  I actually really like going out on Black Friday.  I even like the chaos (as long as the lines move quickly).  That is part of the fun.  There is an energy.  An excitement.  It probably helps that I try to have most of my Christmas shopping done by September, so I don’t often have “must find” purchases on my list.  I can just relax and enjoy the experience of it all.  Then, if I score on some of the deals, that is just a bonus.  I am officially 100% done Christmas shopping.

Even after all that fun, I still have the weekend to look forward to.  Tomorrow: craft fair then chorizo & eggs dinner at my Grandparents house.  Sunday:  Temple Square Concert and Charai & Bri arrive!  I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!

And now… a sneak peek for Jayme.  We did their session at Memory Grove Garden on Tuesday afternoon.  It was c-c-cold!  I told the girls that their job was to do their best to not look like they were freezing.  And, considering the temperature, that was a tough job.  But, they did awesome!  We had so much fun and got some amazing pictures too   Here are a few of my favorites:

And, since I couldn’t pick a favorite from this series, I am sharing them all: