Shortly after we decided to start schooling our children at home, we held a family meeting. We acknowledged the fact that Mom could not do it all anymore. While I always knew (in my mind) that it was important for them to work and be responsible for taking care of our home, it was hard for my heart to accept. They were gone at school for so many hours. Where was the time for play? Should I fill those few short hours at home with necessary homework, piano practicing and chores so that there was no time at all for imaginative play or creativity? In addition to this dilemma, I struggled with the idea of giving up control. I have a system. I know how I want things to be done. The laundry must be hung on hangers just so, then hung in the correct spot in the closet. What is the correct spot, you might wonder? Well, in our house, closets are organized according to my system as follows: separated according to clothing type: dresses, shirts, pants, skirts and within each clothing category all color coordinated in this order: white, pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, gray, black. The pajamas are the only items folded and they should be stacked in their specific piles: bottoms/tops/nightgowns. It just seemed easier to do it myself. And…while they were away at school for 8 hours a day, I had the time to do it all. Well, relatively. I was not a perfect housekeeper. But, life seemed manageable. With the changes in our home, I knew that I would need their cooperation. And, further, I felt that the new schedule would allow for more free play time, more family interaction, more time to contribute to the family in a meaningful way. So…we instigated family chores, family laundry, family meals. Under the new system, I still wash the clothes. But, as soon as they are dry, the girls all gather their hangers and report to the loft, where the clothes are separated into individual piles and each girl is responsible to put their own clothes on hangers and put them away in their closets. I have shown them where the clothes ought to go, but try to leave them to putting them away where they go. The crazy closet girl in me does come out and at times I have been known to sneak into their rooms and re-position clothing to the correct spot. But, all in all, I feel like the changes we have made are healthy.
These changes have not always created organized bliss in our home though. Just yesterday, during laundry time, Mae Mae was pestering the Foof. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I reminded her to worry about herself only and to focus on the task, the pestering continued. So, in an effort to encourage the girls to focus, I told them that since the Bub was too small to put his own clothes on hangers, whoever finished their laundry last would get to help me put his clothes on hangers. Well…Mae Mae was the last one finished. When I told her it was time to do the Bub’s laundry with me, she threw a fit. Throwing hangers. Yelling. You get the picture. So, I told her that it was not okay to treat me that way. That she was now responsible for doing his laundry by herself. Instead of submissively obeying me and accepting her consequence, she clung to her determination and stormed off to her room. We had previously made arrangements for her little friend to come over yesterday afternoon. So, I poked my head into her room and told her how much longer she had before her friend would arrive and let her know that if she had not yet completed her laundry (and now the Bub’s laundry) that her friend would get to play with Missy and the Foof until she had finished her responsibility. So, she knew the consequence.
What did she do? She started packing her bags. She decided to run away. As she was leaving the house with her sleeping bag and MANY purses/bags filled with stuff, I told her how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss her. I reminded her that her friend would be over in 15 minutes and then I watched her leave. I closed the door and watched her walk away until she was just out of my sight, then I called my neighbor and asked her to peek out her window and watch to make sure Mae Mae was okay. Well, she didn’t even get that far because two minutes later, I saw her walking back towards our house. She stopped and set up camp in the front yard for awhile before she decided to pack back up and come inside. I hugged her and told her how glad I was that she decided to come home. A minute later, her friend arrived. She knew her consequence. She finished her laundry. Then, we baked cookies together and the girls gave each other makeovers. We had a wonderful afternoon. I have now officially survived my first runaway child. So, you see…it has not been all rainbows and roses. It has been a struggle for our family to adjust. There are days when I feel discouraged and overwhelmed (today), but I do feel in my heart that this is a good decision for our family. That some of the best things we can learn right now are to love each other more deeply, to be respectful of everyone (even our family members) and to serve more diligently.
Today, Mae Mae and I unpacked the bags she had packed and put her stuff away. She had packed: all of her favorite stuffed animals, her sticker collection, the cookbook she got from Grandma Kathy and her Justice Bag full of treasures from Grandma Char, clothes, socks, her coat, pajamas, her wallet (containing $6 and a Buy one-Get one free coupon to Discovery Gateway), ballet shoes, a framed picture of the Bub, her camera and her Book of Mormon. (At least she was well equipped for her journey!) I’m glad she decided to come back!
I remember running away as a child. Only I was not smart enough to go anywhere cool. I hid in my closet. It was cramped and very un-fun, but I stayed in there for hours thinking how much everyone would miss me and feel sorry for how mean they had been to me…once they realized I was missing. In retrospect, I can’t even remember if anyone even noticed I was gone or if I just got sick of sitting in my closet and came out. But…I sure showed them!
